Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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