I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
