I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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