my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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