I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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