No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
