Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
