wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
