It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
