Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
