im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
