About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
