i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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