so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i've created a new STD.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize