i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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