Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Someone signed my nipple.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
