I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
