I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
