been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
