this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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