I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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