She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
