she woke up with a sticky ear
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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