woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Less talking, more tequila
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
