Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
