i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
