she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
