well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize