Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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