guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
