maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
