Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
