Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
