I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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