I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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