2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
