it was like his penis was on wheels.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
