nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just pee around me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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