Rock
Scissors
Fuck
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
