My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
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You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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