letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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