no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
