she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
