I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize