areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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