i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
