Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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