At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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