Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
