the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
