They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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