I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is wine microwaveable?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
