Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
