i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He shit in the fireplace
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
