you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
