well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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