a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
