I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
