I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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