A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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