Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Less talking, more tequila
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
