girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
