"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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