Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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