thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
this just has baby written all over it
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
