i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
