so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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