I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
