I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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