I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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