1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
