In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
