Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
