there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
