he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
