im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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