it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
