fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
