He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's always time for handjobs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
