I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
