How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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